Chapter Twenty

Twenty

Priorities

Grace Coffee House

The Next Day

It was a surprisingly busy morning at the Grace Coffee House as most of the citizens of Paine Harbor had the day after Christmas off from work. Even though Demetrius' little business venture had only been open a few weeks, it had already become a favorite spot for people to come and relax, while enjoying a good cup of coffee and a pastry or two. Demetrius and Sarah were extremely busy caring for the customers and were hard pressed to keep up with the demand, but were thrilled with the responsiveness of the people to the atmosphere of the coffee house.

“Frankly I am shocked,” Portia Galeener said to no one in particular while carting an armload of dirty dishes off a table at Portia’s Place. “I never thought the people of Paine Harbor would react so positively. But he's a nice boy. I'm glad for him.”

“Hey, Portia!” Sheriff Byer chimed in, “Maybe you could learn a thing or two about making good coffee from him. Yours is horrid!” Nervous laughter rippled through the diner from those who heard these words.

“Hey, Chucky...” she said in retort, “Maybe you could pay your tab today as a post-Christmas gift to me?” This resulted in even greater sounds of laughter, even from the Sheriff.

“Don’t worry about Demetrius stealing away your customers,” Byer said warmly. “You still make the best clam chowder on the island.”

“I make the only clam chowder on the island.” she snapped back.

“True. But it’s awful good.”

“You aren’t going to weasel your way out of paying your bill Chuck!”

Back at Grace Coffee House, young Achilles Brulte had just received his drink, and said softly to Demetrius, “Do you think we could talk sometime?”

Demetrius looked up from his work, met Achilles eyes and said, “Sure, I'd like that. Obviously I'm pretty slammed right now, but could you stop by around five o'clock this evening after I've closed?”

“Yeah. That'd be great.” Achilles replied.

“Okay, then, five o'clock it is, and if it is okay with you, I'll use you as my coffee drink guinea pig! I'm experimenting with some new syrup. I'd love to hear what you think?”

“Wow,” said Achilles with a sense of feeling included. “Yeah. I'd like that. See you then.”

The day went by quickly for Demetrius as he did a record setting amount of business. Andi had stopped by mid-morning and upon seeing the crowds and the line, immediately put on an apron and stepped up to help Sarah and Demetrius. “Looks to me,” she said at one point, “you two are going to need more help soon!”

When at last Demetrius locked the door at five o'clock, he took a deep sigh of relief. They’d weathered a busy day and managed to quickly prepare and serve great drinks. He'd totally forgotten about his meeting with Achilles and was quite surprised when a couple of minutes later, he saw him at the front door trying to get in.

“Oh, my gosh.” Demetrius thought as the realization came ringing home. “I totally forgot.”

Opening the locked door, he greeted him warmly, “Achilles! Welcome! C'mon in, we are just finishing cleaning up. Let me get you a cup and you can sit while we finish, is that okay?” Demetrius asked.

“Sure, of course,” Achilles replied. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Seriously? That'd be great. I was just about to sweep the floor, if you don't mind.” Demetrius said gratefully. “I’d appreciate it a lot! It's been a wild day.”

“I'm the one that is grateful. You agreed to talk with me and you really don't know me. Pushing a broom seems like the least I can do,” he said honestly.

Their eyes met and Demetrius thought to himself, “I'm going to like this kid.”

It was only a few minutes later Demetrius said goodbye to Sarah and Andi, pulled the apron off over his head, and sat down in exhaustion on one of the overstuffed couches next to where Achilles was waiting. “Whew! What a day, it was by far our busiest day! We had lines out the door at one point. Who knew?” he exclaimed. “Wait, your cup is nearly empty. Let me get you a refill.”

Achilles jumped up and said, “No. Let me get you a cup. If that's okay?”

“I like you kid! You’re okay with me. Go right ahead. The pot on the left side just finished brewing. My cup is the University of Colorado mug. It's gold and black. Go Mountain Lions! Rah!” Demetrius said with a smile, thinking back on his college years. He and April had both attended and graduated with the undergraduate degrees from UCCS, and had decided to remain in Colorado Springs after graduation.

The two men sat on the couch sipping the steaming cups of fresh brewed coffee. Demetrius closed his eyes for a moment in a mixture of relief and considerable fatigue. It had been a long, glorious and busy day, and he was both exhilarated and exhausted. After a moment or two of rest, he opened his eyes and said, “Achilles, thanks for letting me catch my breath. I especially appreciate you helping with clean up. You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

“No, I’m happy to help. I really wanted to. After all, you and your family have been so kind to me, and you just met me. Honestly, I didn’t want to come to Christmas with my Aunt yesterday, but she is a woman who is extremely hard to say ‘no’ to.” Achilles paused thoughtfully, “But she was right, I really needed to be there and I had such a good time with your family. It was strange…”

Demetrius waited a moment for Achilles to continue, but he noticed Achilles seemed to be deep in thought about something. After a brief moment, Demetrius said quietly, “Strange?”

It was as if Achilles suddenly woke up. His body shook a little and his eyes came back into focus. “Yes. Strange,” he replied. “but strange good, not strange bad. I think I’d forgotten or maybe stopped believing it was possible.”

“Forgotten what?” Demetrius asked.

“Forgotten that a family could be happy. Forgotten a family could really enjoy each other. Forgotten that Christmas could be a nice day,” he answered honestly. Pausing a moment, he drank his coffee, obviously considering his next words carefully. Demetrius wisely remained quiet while Achilles gathered his thoughts. “Demetrius,” he said looking directly at him intensely. “I am so lonely. I hate Paine Harbor. I hate my family and sometimes, I hate myself.”

Demetrius waited, sensing correctly that words were not required yet.

Achilles struggled for a few moments, and then continued. “The moment I met your family I could see something in all of you, and I don’t know what it is, but somehow what I see gives me hope. It gives me a sense that maybe I can have whatever it is you have. Do you understand what I’m trying to saying?”

A smile came across Demetrius’ face, and he gently said, “I think so, Achilles, I think so.”

The relief in Achilles was visible. The tension in his eyes, and the tightness in his body began to release. He’d taken a big risk, and intuitively he knew it was going to be okay, that his trust in Demetrius was not misplaced.

“Achilles, I’d like to be your friend,” Demetrius said warmly. “And friends get to know each other. If you don’t mind, tell me about yourself. I’m sorry you are hurting. But I’m so glad you see something in us that is positive. Let’s see what we can discover together? Tell me about yourself.”

For the next thirty minutes, Achilles told his story, and the story of his family. From his early years he discovered he excelled in academics, especially arts and literature. As a young boy he’d hole up in his bedroom reading for hours on end - great books of myth and fantasy like Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, and E.B. White’s Charlotte’s Web, to Alice in Wonderland and science fiction books from C.S. Lewis’ Space Trilogy, the Star Wars novels, and classics such as Tom Sawyer, Uncle Tom’s Cabin and Robinson Crusoe. Achilles shared how his father would yell at him and demand he “get his butt outside and play baseball” with the other boys of his school. Demetrius laughed when Achilles told him the variety of ways he developed to ‘sneak read’ against his father’s knowledge.

As the story went on, Achilles’ heartbreak became more evident as the chasm grew between the burly fisherman father and his sensitive, artistic son. “You know, I really did try to please him. I wanted to make him happy. So, I would play baseball and football. It wasn’t that I didn’t like those sports. To tell the truth, I wasn’t a bad second baseman.  Football was tougher for me, because… well, as you can see, I’m not a big guy and I didn’t like getting hurt. Sometimes it seemed like the other players intentionally hit me harder just to put me in my place. Anyway, I did try. But,” he paused. “It never seemed good enough.”

It was then Achilles began to sob. It was a heartbreaking level of grief and loss, far too much for a young man to try to carry on his own. He looked up at Demetrius, somewhat embarrassed, but saw in his face a surprising amount of kindness, acceptance and understanding. Demetrius handed him a couple of napkins and said, “Sorry man, I don’t have any tissues. These will have to do!”

Something about Demetrius’ manner caused Achilles to laugh. It just struck him as funny. Demetrius looked up in surprise, and realized just how awkward he had just looked handing Achilles the napkins. He joined in the laughter. After a few moments of shared laughter, Achilles continued. “Thanks for listening, Demetrius. I’ve never been able to tell anyone this before.”

“It’s okay,” Demetrius replied. “I’m honored you’d share this with me.”

“There’s more,” he admitted taking a deep breath. “I need to tell you.”

“Go on.”

“When I went away to university this fall, I got desperately lonely. I didn’t know anyone. I would go to class and I would study, but I was completely alone. It was horrible. I even thought about killing myself,” he said shamefully.

“It’s okay. I’ve been there. Trust me in that. Go on,” Demetrius encouraged.

“One night, I’d been drinking. Actually I was really drunk. And…” he looked at Demetrius seeking reassurance. Something in Demetrius’ eyes said it was safe to continue. “Well, my roommate, Tony is his name, got in my bed, and… well, we had sex.”

Demetrius felt deep within him that this was a holy moment. This is why Achilles had come to him. Within his inner man, Demetrius cried out to Holy Spirit for guidance. “Don’t let me screw up! I need your help and I need it now!” was his silent prayer.

“I’d never done that before with a guy. I didn’t know I was gay, but somehow when Tony approached me, I wanted it and we had sex.” Achilles repeated.

“Okay, you had sex. I’m listening my friend.” Demetrius said with grace. 

Achilles was shocked at the words ‘my friend’ because he was convinced that as soon as he told Demetrius about the sexual encounter with Tony, he’d be rejected, just as his father had rejected him. He was stunned. Leaning back against the cushions of the couch, his head was spinning in shock and confusion. His stomach was churning and he was terrified he’d made a terrible mistake in telling Demetrius.

“I’m listening, Achilles. Do you want to go on?” Demetrius asked.

“What did you call me?”

“Achilles?”

“No, before that. What did you call me?”

Demetrius thought carefully back over his last words when it dawned on him what Achilles was really asking. He smiled and said, “My friend?”

Suddenly, Achilles stood up and walked across the Grace Coffee House in great agitation. Demetrius didn’t know what to expect next. Before Demetrius could figure out what was going on, Achilles shouted angrily across the room at him. “Did you mean it? Did you really mean to call me ‘my friend’?”

Surprised and somewhat stunned by this question, Demetrius heard himself saying, “Of course I did. Aren’t we friends?”

It was as if all the wind had been taken out of Achilles’ sails. Suddenly he was no longer afraid. The rage subsided and his agitation was gone and after a few moments of regaining his composure he quietly walked back to the couch and sat down. Picking up his coffee mug he looked at Demetrius and said, “I’m glad we are friends.”

“Me, too.” Demetrius replied.

“There’s more I need to tell you and it’s not pretty. Can you handle it?” Achilles asked.

“I hope so, but I guess you are going to have to decide if you can trust me, or not.” Demetrius said honestly.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Achilles replied in recognition of the truth. “I trust you.”

After a couple of minutes of careful consideration, Achilles began to speak again. “Demetrius, when I had sex with Tony, I liked it. I felt loved. I felt accepted. I no longer felt lonely. I felt like someone cared about me. But,” he paused, “later, I hated myself even more for it. The last thing I want to be is gay! It made me sick to my stomach. Seriously, when I woke up the next morning and realized what I had done, and realized I had enjoyed it, I literally ran to the toilet and threw up. I was so ashamed. But here’s the really sick part of the story: The next night we did it again. And then we would do it nearly every night. I’d like it when we were together, and I’d hate myself the next day for liking it.”

“Man, that is so hard. No wonder you are so miserable, Achilles. You’re being torn in two.” Demetrius remarked with great compassion and understanding.

“That’s exactly right, Demetrius! You nailed it. But over time, I just figured it was my lot in life. Tony introduced me to some other gays at school and we’d talk. They’d tell me they were going through the same thing. Hearing their stories made me feel less alone. If they are feeling the same mix of satisfaction and regret I was, it just must be the way things are. Over time, I felt less and less sickened by my actions, and I began to accept this as my new normal. I guess you could say I’m becoming immune to the pain,” Achilles added by way of conclusion.

“I don’t think so, Achilles.” Demetrius said softly. “I don’t think you are immune to the pain.”

“Why do you say that?” he asked defensively.

“Because if you were truly immune to the pain, you wouldn’t be here right now telling me your story, sharing your heartbreak, and letting me into the deep places of your wounds. It’s your pain that brought you here today, Achilles. And it doesn’t serve you well to pretend otherwise.” Demetrius stated.

“Hmmm…” Achilles considered Demetrius’ words. After a few moments of silent consideration he said, “You just might be right.”

“Achilles, do you believe genuine love exists in this world today?”

“I hope so.”

“That’s a great answer because hope is what drives us to seek out what we need. Never give up on hope, my friend. The person without hope, is… well, I guess you could say they are hopeless.” Demetrius said with a laugh. “Let me ask you this, what does genuine love look like to you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay, let me put it this way,” Demetrius continued while listening for clues from Holy Spirit as to what he was to say. “Would genuine love cause a person to feel miserable? To be filled with remorse? Shame? To be sick to their stomach? Would genuine love cause a person to hate themselves?”

“Well, no. I don’t think so.” Achilles said with uncertainty.

“Let’s turn it around. If genuine love wouldn’t do those things, what would it do?”

“Oh, I get it now,” Achilles said with brightness, coming to see what Demetrius was getting at. “Love would help a person. Love would make a person happy. Love would cause a person to feel good about who they are. Love wouldn’t cause pain. Love would be a good thing which would make life better for those who experience it. Am I on the right track here, Demetrius?”

Demetrius simply nodded, and said, “You know you are, don’t you Achilles?”

“Yeah. I guess I am. I’ve never thought about it this way before. But wait a minute. Not only have I never thought about it this way, I’ve never experienced it, either. So, genuine love is a myth. It doesn’t exist.” Achilles concluded.

“I don’t think you really believe that, Achilles.”

“Well, look at my life. You’ve got to admit it hasn’t exactly been a bed of roses!”

“No, it hasn’t. But the reason I said you don’t believe genuine love is a myth is because you, my friend, possess something special. And we’ve already discussed it.”

“What?”

“Achilles, there’s something in your heart that love put there. You’ve got hope. Love put it there to draw you into a search to discover genuine love for yourself. Hope kept you from killing yourself. Hope caused you to see that sex didn’t meet your need for genuine love. Hope brought you here today. Hope, baby. Like it or not, you’ve got it. And love put it there.” Demetrius said confidently.

“Okay, I see your point and I think you’re right. In spite of everything, I’ve always had hope.” Achilles admitted. “Even when my dad was screaming at me and saying all kinds of hateful things, and even though I felt terrible, something inside of me said, ‘it won’t always be this way.’ Now, I realize that was hope.”

“I need to share something with you, Achilles. It’s personal,” Demetrius paused. “Is that okay with you?” Achilles nodded his affirmation. “I don’t know if you are aware, but my wife April was killed last spring in a terrible car accident. We’d been married less than a year, but we’d been in love with each other since high school. One moment, we are planning our future together, talking about having kids, planning our careers and our life together - and bam! The next moment it is all over. Done. In an instant my world collapsed. Utterly and irrevocably altered forever.”

“Oh, man, I had no idea,” Achilles said in shock. “I am so sorry. Wow. What did you do?”

“Thanks. I appreciate that,” Demetrius replied. “That’s what I want to tell you. Ask my brother and Sandy, they’ll tell you - I was lost. Confused. Aimless. I’d sit in our condo in Colorado Springs for days on end and watch daytime TV, mindlessly checking out, doing what I could to avoid the pain, the loss, the heartache. I was so screwed up, I’d forget to eat or bathe. It was dark, man. Seriously. I didn’t know if there was a way out of the darkness. Frankly, there were days where I simply didn’t care if I ever got out of the darkness. I thought, if I got my life together and tried to move on with it, it’d be saying April didn’t matter. That it wasn’t a big deal. And my grief somehow would keep her alive.”

“But,” Achilles interrupted. “Look at you Demetrius, you are one of the happiest, strongest people I’ve ever met. What did you do?”

“It was hope. Hope was buried deep inside me, below the grief and loss, hope held on to me. When I was at my darkest places, and I wanted so desperately to let go, to escape fully, to give up, there’d be a glimmer of hope that would reflect in one corner of my consciousness and suddenly I’d have the strength, courage, I don’t know, maybe it was faith to keep going. I don’t know exactly what it was, but nonetheless, God miraculously gave me what it took to stand up, to move forward and to face another day,” Demetrius shared. “Does that make sense to you, Achilles?”

“It does.”

“Then, like a light going off within me, I found a new kind of love, or really I should say, love found me. I remember it like it was yesterday. Oliver and Sandy were heading across country to move to Paine Harbor, and I knew they’d stop by to visit me in Colorado Springs. As I considered their visit… man, words are hard here. But stay with me, Achilles,” Demetrius encouraged. “As I thought about them coming to my house to visit, I was strangely warmed by something, actually it was a Someone who met me in the deepest places of my loss and loved me regardless. Suddenly an idea emerged within me - which resulted in me being here right now with you - in this very coffee shop in Paine Harbor. It was love. Don’t laugh at me, man, I’m telling you the truth, but it was as if love reached down, grabbed me by the back of the neck and said to me: “Enough. It’s time for the next phase of your life!” In that moment, I knew I wasn’t alone. I felt something I had never felt before, even from April. It was perfect love. Love that knew my darkness and loved and cared for me, no matter what. It was love bigger than my ability to explain, rationalize or even understand. And I haven’t been the same since.”

“Seriously, Demetrius? Are you shooting it straight with me?” Achilles questioned with a mixed bag of doubt and hope.

“Yep. Straight-as-an-arrow. Achilles, from that day until this, my life is different. Don’t get me wrong, I will always grieve April. How could I not? She was my first love. But, I’ve tasted a different kind of love now. I’m happy and free and I’m all of those things you told me earlier that love should feel like.” Demetrius said with confidence.

Achilles considered his words. Deep inside, he sensed he was hearing truth, perhaps for the first time in his life. But there was a troubling thought filling his heart. “Demetrius, what about Tony?”

“What about him?”

“I’m gay. He’s my lover.”

“Achilles,” Demetrius paused to consider carefully his words. “Tony isn’t the issue here. You being gay or heterosexual isn’t the issue here. It’s separate. There are other, larger issues at play which you’ve got to deal with first.”

“But…” Achilles interrupted.

“Hang on,” Demetrius said, “I’m not saying these issues aren’t important. Of course they are, but they are secondary to the first one. You need a love encounter, that’s the big deal.”

“Love encounter?” 

“Yeah.”

“Like you had?”

“Like I had.”

“How?”

“Ask.”

“Ask who?” Achilles questioned.

“Ask God.” Demetrius replied simply.

“God.”

“Yeah God”

“I’m not sure I believe in God,” Achilles admitted.

“Doesn’t matter. He believes in you. And what’s more, He is crazy in love with you,” Demetrius said with a straight face.

“How do you know that?” Achilles asked. “And what’s more, I thought God hated queers?”

“Where’d you hear that?” Demetrius asked in surprise.

“I don’t know. I guess some preachers.”

“Sorry about them, but in my humble opinion they are missing the point. God never said He hates homosexuals. God is love. God hates brokenness, not broken people. It’s simply not in His nature to hate,” Demetrius said with increasing confidence. “Do you believe me when I say God showed me His amazing love for me and it changed my life?”

“Well,” Achilles said thoughtfully. “I believe your story. I’m just not sure of the source of this love you’ve found.

“Alright, then. Let’s do this.” Demetrius said looking at the clock on the wall. “It is getting late and I’ve got an early morning. I don’t want to cut this off prematurely, but maybe you’ve got enough for tonight and you need to go home and consider what we’ve talked about.”

“Yeah, you are probably right.”

“But, before we call it a night. I’d like to ask your permission to pray for you, and then I’d like you to do something tonight before you go to bed. Is that okay?” he asked.

“Sure, I guess.”

“Okay, first of all let me pray,” Demetrius said reaching his hand out and placing it on Achilles shoulder. Quiet came to the Grace Coffee House for a few moments while Demetrius gathered his thoughts, and then he began to pray quietly, “Jesus, you are the Author of Love and everything good. You met me when I was desperate and alone, and You gave me a love which is without a doubt the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced. You changed my life. I’m simply asking that You’d do the same for my friend Achilles. Meet him at his point of need and reveal Yourself to Him like You did for me. Show Achilles just how much You love him, how much You care about him, how much You want to change his life for the better. Thank You that You gave him hope, now give him love! Amen.”

When Demetrius looked up, he saw Achilles doing his best to wipe the tears from his face. He’d been clearly touched by Demetrius’ prayer in deep ways. 

“You know,” he said to Demetrius. “No one has ever done that for me before. Thank you. I’m not sure what it all means, but I felt something inside while you prayed, and it was good.”

“That’s awesome, Achilles,” Demetrius replied thoughtfully. “One more thing before you go. When you go to bed tonight, if you are willing, I’d like for you to do this: Ask the God that you aren’t sure you believe in, to show Himself to you. In whatever words you want to use, just ask Him - out loud - to show Himself to you. Will you do that?”

“I will. It feels weird, all of this God-talk, but…” Achilles paused. “But, I trust you, Demetrius and I will follow your lead.”

“Terrific!” Demetrius said enthusiastically. “Will you come by Monday and see me?”

“Yeah. I will,” he replied. “I don’t know how to thank you, Demetrius. I’m not sure about what you’ve told me, but I know you are telling me the truth from your experience. And I appreciate it.”

“I’m glad we are friends. Now get out of here, I need to go home and get some rest!” Demetrius said with a laugh, giving Achilles a quick hug as they both headed towards the front door.