Chapter Twenty Four

 Twenty Four

Ricky Böndunum Struggles

“That's enough! Get off of my boat! I've had it with you. You are done. Off! Now!” shouted Captain Oscar. He was the young captain on the fishing boat Lady Sings the Blues where Ricky had managed to find employment after his accident on the Wet One. “I'm sick of your defiant attitude, I'm the Captain, and you’re the mate!”

Ricky had made significant progress in his life since discovering God’s love, but old habits don’t die easily. He struggled with submitting to the authority of Captain Oscar, especially due to the fact that Oscar was five years younger.

“I remember you when you were a punk kid in elementary school Oscar! And you are still a punk!” Ricky yelled.

“That’s it! I knew we made a mistake in hiring you. Well, I’m going to fix my mistake right now. You are fired. Get off my boat. I'll have your pay tomorrow afternoon.” Oscar said resolutely.

The look in Ricky's eyes was a mixture of shock and that old blood boiling rage. He felt his hands balling up into fists, and the veins in his neck were bulging. “What? What is your problem?” he screamed across the deck. “I didn't do anything. And you are blowing up at me! What's the deal, man?” Internally Ricky was seething. “I’m trying to do things right, and this happens! Seriously? What’s the point?” he thought.

Turning his back on Ricky, Oscar restated his order, “Get off my boat,” and walked away.

Without hesitation, Ricky raced across the deck and sucker punched Captain Oscar in the back of his head, knocking him unconscious on the deck. Ricky stood over the motionless body in a moment of triumph.

“No one walks away from me!” he declared. Suddenly he was grabbed by two of his shipmates. Two others raced to Captain Oscar’s side.

“You idiot! You stupid idiot!” shouted one of the veterans on board. Pulling Ricky face-to-face with himself, he yelled out, “You are a moron. A friggin' moron. You are going to jail for this, Ricky. Was it worth it?”

“Let go of me, or I'll give you what I gave him!” Ricky shouted.

“You'd better think again, boy!” Came the reply from a man who easily outweighed Ricky by 80 pounds. “You’d better think again!”

Ricky wisely backed down. “Sorry, man.”

“A brief moment of intelligence!”

Ricky grabbed his things from below deck, quickly getting off the boat and raced up the pier to where his truck was parked. Opening the door, he slid onto the bench seat and put the key in the ignition, slamming the door behind him. Suddenly a wave of recognition of what he had just done hit him like a slap on the face. Banging his head on the steering wheel in shameful recognition of his foolishness, he cursed himself for his actions.

“What a fool. I can't believe it. Not again. Just when I was making progress, I blow it. What is wrong with me, anyway? I don't know if I'm a fool or a jerk, either way it's not good,” he said to himself. “Now what? What do I do now?”

Tears were unfamiliar in Ricky's rough life. He'd always equated them with weakness and as something to be avoided. But there was no avoiding them this time. These tears weren't the type to be hidden with a few wipes of the cheeks, but rapidly became sobs gripping him in the chest and taking complete control.  There was no escaping them. The sobs grew, his chest heaved, his throat tightened and every orifice on his face flowed freely. The weight of his failure bore down heavily.

After a few minutes the tears began to offer Ricky a degree of comfort. He discovered a quiet stream of thoughts running through his mind, 'maybe I've got a conscience after all,' and 'is this what having regret feels like?' culminating in 'is this the conviction of Holy Spirit?'

He lifted his head off the steering wheel and leaned back on the headrest. “God, where are You? What do I do now? I've really screwed up, big time. I wouldn't blame You if You turned Your back on me too.”

It was then he heard Pastor Axel's words echo in his memory from last Sunday's message, “God cannot love you any more or any less than He already does. Whether you do well, or whether you mess up, His loving kindness remains the same.”

What sounded so great in church now became up close and personal. “Well, if that's true,” he thought, “I need You to show me right now because I feel like an utter failure. And I wouldn't blame you if you kicked me to the curb.”

He stared out the window quietly watching the sky darken as the inevitability of night approached. Paralyzed and fearful, Ricky simply didn't know what to do. “I am such a jerk. Can you forgive me? Can you help me? Can you do anything at all with a clown like me?” he prayed.

His now former co-workers walked past his truck shaking their heads in disgust. Captain Oscar walked by, rubbing his head. Seeing Ricky in the truck, he yelled, “You are going to jail. And I hope they put you in a cell with someone who is 100 pounds heavier and extremely lonely!”

Despair settled in and voices of shame, reproach and accusation filled Ricky's spirit.

“Loser.”

“And you call yourself a Christian?”

“Hypocrite.”

“If you were really a Christian you'd have your act together.”

“You embarrass God.”

Ricky found himself in silent agreement with the accusations that were filling his heart. Not recognizing the source of deceptions and destructive thoughts, he unwittingly embraced them as truth.

“That settles it,” he said while starting his engine. Racing off he was determined to fix his problem. It didn't take but a couple of minutes for Ricky to arrive at his destination. Shoving his car into a parking space, he slammed the door and headed towards the entrance. As he reached for the door to Rudy's Bar, it opened and much to his shock, his new friend Niels walked out.

“What are you doing here, Niels?”

“Fixing Rudy's plumbing,” he replied, looking up at Ricky with newfound discernment and insight. “And you, Ricky? Why here?”

“You don't want to know.”

“Yes I do.”

“Leave me alone, Niels.”

“No. Alone is not a good place for you tonight.” Without hesitation, Niels who is ordinarily is slow to speak and of few words, spoke with boldness. “Ricky, whatever bad thing happened today, this is definitely not the answer. Come with me.”

“Don't start with me, Niels. You don't know what you are talking about.”

“I do.” Niels said while guarding the doorway like a pit bull on security duty.

“Get out of my way, Niels. I'm twice your size and I can easily move you. But don't make me.” Ricky said threateningly. “Get out of the way!”

Their eyes locked. Niels didn't budge. They were at an impasse. Ricky noticed something different in Niels' eyes. It was as if he were fearless. Ricky realized he’d never seen a man exhibit more confidence. Deeply confused by what Niels was doing, he stood not knowing what to do next.

Niels suddenly and without warning punched Ricky in the stomach, causing him to double over - more from the shock than any real pain.

“What the heck?” came Ricky's shocked response. “Why did you do that? You know I could tear you apart if I wanted to.”

“I don't care. I figured you've been beating yourself up about something already, and if you do what you are planning, I know for sure you'll be beating yourself up when you wake up in the morning. So,” he said with a smile, “I figured I'd just do what you are already doing. It's kind of stupid, isn't it?”

Ricky's head was spinning. He was confused by Niels outrageous actions combined with a realization of the reality of what he'd been saying.  Ricky suddenly realized how ironic and laughable the moment was and began to laugh.

Niels smiled.

“Come with me,” he said walking rapidly away from the bar doorway and heading down the street without looking back to see if Ricky was following. “Come,” he said so quietly that Ricky almost didn't hear him.

Ricky stood motionless watching Niels walk away. Nothing had changed and was fully intending on getting stone cold drunk. As he reached for the door handle, a voice awoke in his head saying, “You asked where I was. Here I am and I'm going with Niels, come with us.”

Scratching his head in wonder, Ricky let go of the door handle and turned to follow Niels. “Hey, wait up!” he cried out to Niels who by now was probably a football field length in front of him. Niels didn't slow his pace and Ricky found himself nearly running to catch up to him. “Where are you going Niels?”

“Ask not. Just follow,” came the confident reply.

Niels continued walking at an unusually rapid pace for a short man. They walked silently along Front Street facing the docks, then turned inland at Main Street. Passing Grace Coffee House, they arrived at Portia’s Place. Niels opened the door and said, “Here.”

Stepping into the diner, Ricky was mortified to see Sheriff Byer seated at his usual table. Niels walked over to the Sheriff’s table and said to Ricky, “Sit.”

“Sit?”

“Sit. I'll be back in five minutes,” Niels said as he walked rapidly out of the diner.

Sheriff Byer was obviously confused. “What's going on Ricky? Oh, and by the way, make yourself comfortable.”

Ricky got the sarcasm. “Look Sheriff,” he began to say, “there was a problem at the docks.”

“Again?”

“Yeah. But I don't know what Niels is up to. But I just know I was supposed to follow him.”

“Ohhh kay...” Sheriff Byer said doubtfully, “do you want to tell me about what happened?”

Looking quite uncomfortable and with sweat running down his neck, Ricky said, “Not really.”

“I guess I can appreciate that.”

“But, you are going to find out anyway. So...” taking a deep breath Ricky continued, “I got in a fight with Captain Oscar of the Lady Sings the Blues. Well, that's not exactly true. I hit him and knocked him out. I attacked him.”

“Do you know if he's okay?”

“Yeah. He was up and about in the parking lot. My guess is he'll just have a headache.”

“Why are telling me this, Ricky?”

Ricky laughed nervously trying to think of a reasonable response. After a few moments he realized he knew the answer.

“Sheriff Byer, I'm not sure you are going to believe me.”

“Try me. I'm already in shock we are even having this conversation.” Sheriff Byer said as he brought his coffee cup to his lips, grimacing at the horrid bitterness of Portia’s coffee.

“Fair enough. I'm telling you this because I'm a follower of Jesus and I want to be a better man.”

Sheriff Byer nearly spit his coffee across the table in surprise at what he'd just heard. Putting his cup on the table and wiping his chin, he said, “Try that on me again. I want to make sure I hear you correct.”

“I know. Crazy, huh?” Ricky replied. “But it is the truth. Jesus has rescued me from my sin, but apparently He isn't done with me. I screwed up. But, even telling you this is giving me hope that maybe I'm not the same guy I used to be. Honesty is the best policy, right?”

Leaning back in the booth, Sheriff Byer crossed his arms across his generous stomach and absent-mindedly rubbed the stubble on his chin all the while looking off into the distance deep in thought. “In all of my years,” he thought to himself, “I've never heard anything like this. What is happening to this man?”

It was then that Niels returned. Somehow he'd convinced Captain Oscar to join him. Looking at Ricky, he said, “Scoot over.” And turning to Oscar, he said, “Sit.” These weren't suggestions, and both men immediately complied with their marching orders.

Sitting next to Sheriff Byer, Niels spoke again directly to Ricky. “Deal with it. Now.”

“Okay, but before I do.” Ricky said directly to Niels, “How’d you know about what happened on the boat?”

“I heard. I was in the bar working on the plumbing and friends from the boat were talking about it with each other. Satisfied?”

“Yeah,” said a downcast Ricky. “I am.”

Oscar began to speak, only to be immediately silenced by a look from Niels. Speaking again to Ricky, he repeated his instructions. “Deal. Now.”

Shifting in the booth, Ricky looked at Oscar and began to speak. “Captain, I don't blame you for firing me. I was being an idiot. And I don't blame you if you have the Sheriff arrest me. I'll accept what is due me. I was completely out of control. But before you arrest me, please allow me to say what I need to say. Captain, what I did was wrong and without excuse. I don't deserve anything from you, but I'm going to ask anyway...” He took a deep breath and continued, “I am genuinely sorry for my inexcusable actions and I'm asking if you can find it in your heart to forgive me. You can press charges if you want, I won't blame you, but please grant me forgiveness.”

The silence was incredible. The ticking of the neon clock on the wall near the cash register sounded like Sammy Davis Jr. tap dancing in slow motion. Portia approached with a full coffee pot, but Niels authoritatively waved her away.

Captain Oscar's mouth hung open in stunned surprise. His eyes looked like two full moons. Grabbing a cup of ice water, he drank deeply as a means of processing what he'd just heard. After what seemed like five minutes but may have only been five seconds, he turned in his seat looking straight at Ricky exploring his face in search of deception or at least drunkenness. Finding none, he just shook his head from side to side in wonder.

“Okay. I don’t get it, but okay.”

Niels jumped in, “Okay, what?”

“Okay, I'll do it. I forgive you.”

It was at that moment Ricky realized he really was a different man because of the Presence of Jesus in his life. Never in his memory had he asked anyone for forgiveness. But, he thought to himself, it really wasn't so bad. In fact it was invigorating. Even before Oscar responded, Ricky had already seen the change in his heart. “I'm not the same man I used to be, am I?” he thought. Then he heard the Voice that was becoming pleasantly familiar, “No, you aren't. You are my son.”

Sheriff Byer brought Ricky out of his introspection. Speaking to Oscar he asked, “So, are you going to press charges or not?”

Thinking about this for a moment or two, Oscar replied softly and with a smile, simply shook his head indicating he would not.

Niels jumped out of his seat and shouted with joy, “Now that's what I'm talking about!”

With great relief, Ricky said to Captain Oscar, “Thank you. I don't deserve it, but I'm sure grateful.”

“You're welcome. I do have a question for you, though.”

“What's that?”

“What happened to you? Not what happened on the boat today, that I'm used to from you, but this... what just happened here, well, I don't even know what to do with this.”

“I tell you the truth,” Ricky smiled. “I wasn't expecting this either. But now I see something I didn't see before. God really loves me, even when I screw up. And I screwed up big time today. When you saw me sitting in my truck I was planning on getting seriously drunk tonight. But, God loves me and He sent Niels to help me see His love and then He caused us to meet up here and I didn't know what to say to you. I was terrified and the only words that made sense to me was to stop being defensive and to take responsibility for my mistakes and ask you for forgiveness. This is totally a God-thing, Captain. Believe me when I say, it's new to me too! I think it's called grace.”

Niels laughed. “Yes. Grace. Big fan of grace.”

“Well, I don’t know much about that.” Oscar said introspectively, “but I respect it. Listen, I cannot believe I’m about to say this, what the heck! Come to the docks at the regular time in the morning and if you’ll own your mistakes with the crew, I’ll bring you back on board.”

Ricky’s eyes opened in shock. Reeling from the events of the afternoon, he instinctively knew finding a new position on a boat in Paine Harbor was going to be nearly impossible and he might have to move to the mainland to find work. For Oscar to make this offer was unbelievable. His heart beat wildly in relief at this outrageous offer. He shook his head in wonder at his good fortune.

“Captain Oscar,” he said swallowing hard. “Thank you. I cannot possibly tell you what this means to me. I’m overwhelmed.”

Placing his hand on Ricky’s shoulder in reassurance, Oscar laughed and said, “Let’s not let this happen again, okay?”

Paine Harbor Community Church

The Next Sunday

“So, as you can hear, I made a mess of things,” Ricky said to the growing congregation at Paine Harbor Community Church as he stood by Pastor Axel's side and shared the testimony of what had occurred that week. Tears ran freely down his face as he openly admitted his failures and mistakes, yet hope radiated from his face.  

“But,” he said softly, “something happened I didn't expect. I’m used to carrying guilt, walking in shame, and living with regrets for my failures. But, I'm here to tell you this: I have none of that! I've been set free from my shame and released from guilt! And what's more, I don't feel the need to defend myself. Truthfully, that's where I'd really get in trouble. I'd be so busy defending myself through lies and excuses, and at the end of the day, I'd make things much worse than ever. But, like I said, I'm here to tell you this: I discovered something. Or, I should say, Someone. I met Grace. Grace met me, and took me right to the place where my failures were dealt with. Grace took me to the Cross of Jesus. Grace showed me a love that blows my mind.”

He paused. Wiping his tears, he looked around the room and every eye was fixed on his. Taking a deep breath, he continued, “We say, 'God is love' and that's nice to hear, but more importantly, it's vital to discover love personally. Regardless of my behavior, He loves me. Not just when I'm doing good, but even and maybe even especially, when I'm blowing it. He loves me. I am loved. Me, Ricky Böndunum. Drunk. Bar-fighter. Blowhard. Short-tempered. The guy who is famous for causing problems. The guy who can't keep a job or follow directions. That guy. Me. He loves me. He doesn't say, 'get your act together.' He says, 'Come home son.'”

The air was thick enough you could almost see it. Some were sobbing; others had their arms folded across their chests in self-defense against what was being said.  “I need to wrap this up. I've talked long enough, but let me simply say this; God really, really, really loves you. He just can't help Himself. It's Who He is. And, I guess the only thing left in question is this; will I receive His love?”

Ricky looked around the room again, looked at Pastor Axel's supportive face and began to step away from the platform to return to his seat. Without warning a loud voice rang out from the back of the room.

“I need to say something! I've got something to say!”

Every head turned to see who it was that was speaking. Paine Harbor is a small community, and everyone knows everyone, so there was considerable surprise when the people of the church realized this voice interrupting the service was Captain Oscar. Most people in Paine Harbor like Oscar, admiring his hard work, and the unusual kindness he showed to his employees, but no one had ever seen him attend a church service before. “Pastor, may I say something?” he asked somewhat embarrassed and a bit surprised he'd actually spoken aloud.

“Come on up, Captain. We'd love to hear what is on your heart.” Pastor Al replied.

His congregation looked at him with new eyes. He'd always been a control freak and would have never allowed such a thing to occur. His previous mantra had been ‘all things done decently and in order.’ Holy Spirit was showing clearly to Pastor Axel and the people it was His order that mattered, not the order imposed by men in their efforts to control.

Oscar quickly made his way to the front of the chapel.

“What's on your mind?” Pastor Axel asked.

“I need to know something and I cannot wait. I've got to know now!”

“Go ahead. What is it?”

“How do I get what Ricky has? I'm not sure about any of this church stuff, but I've never seen a man as changed as I've seen Ricky. Whatever it is, I want it.”

“Awesome.” Pastor Axel responded with a giant smile across his previously stone face. “Oscar, you can have everything Ricky has. No charge. But, I've got to tell you something.”

“Okay, what would that be?”

“What you want isn't an 'it' it is a 'Who'.”

“A Who?”

“Yes, a Who. What you want is a person. A person who will love you, like He loves Ricky. His name is Jesus. He is God's Son, and it is His activity on your behalf which makes changes like Ricky possible.”

“Jesus.”

“Yep. I'm going to tell you something, and...” turning to the congregation, “it's for you too! God made you to love you. This is His original intention but sin messed things up for us. Every one of us chose sin rather than love. But His love trumps our sin. It was Jesus who came to earth, lived perfectly and who died on the cross. Not because of His own wrongdoing, but because of His love. And through His death, all of our sins: past, present and even future ones are completely wiped out and forgiven. All because of love. Love. Perfect love. Are you following me, Oscar?”

“Yes. Go on!”

Laughing, Pastor Axel continued, “And then, in the greatest mystery of all time, Jesus rose from the dead. He was dead, and then He came to life. This is important in so many ways, but here are two ways His resurrection has an impact on our lives. First, resurrection proves His identity as God. No one else has ever been able to come back to life after being dead. He is God. Second, resurrection gives us present tense hope for when we die, we will be resurrected to live with Him! I don't know about you folks, but the older I get, the more important that reality becomes. Still with me, Oscar?”

“I am. Things are becoming clear which have confused me all of my life.”

“Well, that's great. Check this out. You know what He wants from us in return?”

“I assume He wants us to do good things, live right, not drink, cause fights, etc. Go to church, stuff like that,” Oscar suggested.

“Nope.”

“Nope?”

“Nope. He wants only one thing from us.” Pastor Axel said and then paused. “Don't get me wrong, doing good things and all of that are important, but they aren't the main thing.”

“Well, then – what must I do?”

“Well,” Axel said smiling, “Since you asked. Here it is. He wants you to believe.”

“Believe?”

“Yep. Believe.”

“That's it?”

“Faith isn't a small thing, Oscar. Faith will change your life in dramatic ways. But yes, all He asks of us is to believe.”

“Believe what?”

“Believe Who! He asks you to place your trust, your faith, your hope and your confidence in Who He is. You see, I do believe Jesus is God's Son. I believe He is a perfect example of what love looks like. I believe He died for me. I believe all of my sin has been permanently paid for via His death. I believe He rose from the dead. I believe because of Him, I am forgiven, I am set free and I believe I'll live forever with Him in Heaven. It's all because of Him, my only part is to believe.”

“Well, I can believe that, too. Can I get in?” Oscar asked sincerely.

Axel smiled. “You betcha. Oscar, do you confirm what I just spoke? Do you believe in Who Jesus is?”

“I do.”

“Will you allow Him to lead your life?”

“Yeah. I will. If doing so changes me, like it changed Ricky!”

“He will.”

“Oscar, if Jesus were standing right here in physical form, what would you like to say to Him? I tell you what, look at me and speak to me as if I'm Jesus. I'm not, but if that'll help, what would you say?”

“Well...” Oscar pondered thoughtfully. “I guess, I guess I'd say, thank you. Jesus, thank you for loving me. Thank you for dying for me. Thank you for helping me see who You really are. Will you help me change? I'll do what you ask.”

When people spoke of this later, they’d say it was exactly at this moment they realized God was at work in Paine Harbor.

And He was. His Spirit was breaking loose throughout the gathered people of Paine Harbor Community Church. Not in some pre-planned programmed method lead by a human with a big idea, but in a spontaneous and glorious manner where all the people suddenly and without advance warning felt a shifting in the atmosphere as He brought wave upon wave of revelation demonstrating His incredible glory and love.

Without instruction, Oscar reached his hands to the sky and looked intently at the roof of the small chapel, but it wasn't the ceiling tiles he saw. He saw Jesus. Glowing in beauty, robed in bright colors and with a face filled with glory Jesus revealed Himself to Oscar. Without hesitation, Oscar overcome by glory fell to his knees in worship. The congregation, not knowing specifically what Oscar was seeing did know enough to join him in this holy moment with each person experiencing His Presence in profound ways, and responding with praise beyond measure.

Holy Spirit moved amongst the people, quietly and invisibly touching each one with much needed mercy, gifts, and healing. Sandy and Oliver had been observing with great joy the events of the service when Sandy felt God’s touch on her increasing stomach and heard the Voice simply say: “Sandy, trust. This is your only task. Trust.”

“God, I trust You,” Sandy prayed softly. She felt His love overwhelm her. The Voice said, “Fear not precious one.” Oliver reached for her hand and looked in her eyes. She looked at her amazing husband and saw the confidence in his eyes. Somehow his confidence helped her to regain hers.

Paine Harbor had entered a level of transformation brought about by two unstoppable powers: Holy Spirit and God’s Word being free to do their work without human interruption or religious correction. What man could never do, God was doing easily.